Let’s start by a flash back. I wanted to study abroad in Korea because I wanted to participate in movie production. Well, God’s ways are not our ways. It turned out that the movie was postponed because we couldn’t get the script right. I’m sure that the movie will be produced sometime in the future, according to His timing. Anyhow, I have secured my study abroad offer and was on my way home. I got to spend quality time at home; I wanted to come home anyway.
Besides going on two family vacations, the highlight of my short stay in Malaysia was definitely Chinese New Year. I did not spend CNY in Malaysia last year. I was alone in Mountain View, CA. What was I doing there? Dog-sitting for my cousin and family because they went back to celebrate CNY in Malaysia. I was miserable! Thankfully I had my faithful companion, Junior, who kept me company. Spending CNY at home was awesome! During this period, I watched a concert production which got me thinking of my dream again. Do I think this is a coincidence? No. Like all good supporters, I youtubed the singer. It turns out that she has a new album. Not just any album, a gospel album by the name “Faith信”. Now that I think of it, God is definitely trying to tell me something. There’s a song in the album that speaks to me so much that it got stuck in my head. 上帝早已预备 or “God has already prepared” felt like a reassurance from God. Tears never fail to fill my eyes when I listen to the song. The singer, herself, went through a lot in the past few years. I am touched by her declaration of faith.
I was troubled again. Each time when I thought of my dream, I would almost always automatically start the process of talking myself out of it. Unknowingly, each time that I succeed in talking myself out of it, I am piling up frustration. I feel angry at myself for not being able to have the courage to take that step. I feel that I am complied to live by expectations that my family has for me. I am angry! I am frustrated! I feel that I am not being who I am, who I was made to be! I am bounded-not free! I know that I will someday regret that I did not take the chance. Yet, I couldn’t find it in myself to go against the tide.
Fast forward by two months, so there I was, on a plane to Korea. I boarded the plane with many unanswered questions. However, I did not leave Malaysia with a heavy spirit. I’ve been quite a traveler, but I’m ashamed to say that still feel it whenever I have to leave home. This time it was different. I feel a sense of peace. I feel refreshed. I thought that Korea would be good to take a break from all that boiled up emotions. I also felt an unexplained excitement for that which awaits me; an excitement that is now justified.
P/S I just realized that this post totally fits the theme of Jing Ling@ Angel's previous post. Is God good or what? Amen!
AMEN! =)
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